P. H. Cordner

Archive for June, 2009|Monthly archive page

Bust-A-… what?

In Nonsense on June 17, 2009 at 00:30

So Shauvon has this super-pack of Mame roms. He’s got every game ever in the arcades 1979 – 2000. One of these gems is the classic Paperboy. Another one is called Bubble 2000. At the outset, everything looks like any old Bust-A-Move clone. Then something starts happening to the background. It starts getting definition, and I think it looks like… oh my… a woman clearly in a state of deshabille! Once you beat the level, you’re treated to a sparkly, 256-color version of this sexy lady. The first level is a woman with whip cream on her nips. They get raunchier after that, while not exactly Hustler spreads, there’s some anatomical lessons to be had there. The best part of this game by far, though, is the characters manning the bust-a-move ball launcher. The one on the right is a caveman manning a treadmill to operate the primitive “aiming action” of the launcher. The guy on the left is this caveman wearing some leoapard spotted briefs, holding a big mallet to provide launching thrust, all the while thrusting his pelvis with a giant grin on his face. Up until the end of the level you’ve no idea you’re gonna see some tits. But look at that caveman. He knows what’s in store.

The 30-Second Man

In Nonsense on June 16, 2009 at 17:38

To whom it may concern, To whom it may concern, Résumés are fast becoming a relic to the advances of technology. In a market where applicants are growing ever more numerous, and as they compete for an ever narrowing set of openings, the time allocated for investigation of their relative merits has dwindled to a near-absurd degree. The challenge, therefore, is how to create a one-page document that will both capture attention and differentiate you from the bountiful harvest of other qualified applicants. However, if one pays attention to proper technique, a cushy job just might be in reach.

Why don’t YOU mow the lawn?

In Nonsense on June 13, 2009 at 01:55

The other night I was hanging out with friends Eli Glasch and his sister Kate, two super cool characters, and Shauvon, and the conversation drifted to what exactly was cool. I typed into google “How to be cool” and got a wikihow page. The stuff in there was OK, but it mentioned nothing about leather jackets with MG lapel pins, sunglasses, beers, cigarettes, not shaving for two days, listening to Miles Davis, or giving the thumbs up. So I got out some props, and had Shauvon photograph me with his SUUUPer sweet Canon EOS 50D, which I’m pretty sure stands for Canon Extra Orgasm Sweet 50″ Dick.

The resulting photos were pretty silly. I had a beer in my hand, (A Bell’s Oberon Ale, not really a cool beer, I should have had a bottle of Budweiser but I didn’t.), a Dunhill in my mouth, cheapo knockoff tortoise shell Wayfarers on, an oxblood leather jacket, and I gave the thumbs up. With such a goofy subject, I’m sure it took no leap of judgement to just snap me from the neck up, and the resulting photo looked pret-ty cool. Kate immediately said “Facebook photo” when we observed the results, and I was thinking the same thing. So I did that. (Also check out the username of my thing! facebook.com/jeschuster!)

Also on the subject of cool, I got a Malcolm X fridge magnet at Von’s the other day.