P. H. Cordner

Exponent Archives: Guns on Campus, 2008

In Commentary, Current Affairs on March 9, 2010 at 12:16

The following was published in the Purdue Exponent, February 27, 2008 It was the final letter published before the 10 letter issue cutoff on concealed firearms on campus.

Imagine this scenario: You’re in a packed lecture, being bored as usual, staring off at that cute girl 3 rows down. All of a sudden a dark figure appears in the doorway.

It’s an “active shooter,” with an arsenal rivaling that of an infantryman. Probably some liberal against freedom or something. He forgot something, though. That bulge in your pants isn’t from staring at the cute girl 3 rows down, it’s from your fully loaded .357 Colt Anaconda. “Text messages don’t stop bullets, I DO!” you yell, as you brandish your sizable firearm.

Just as he takes aim at that cute girl 3 rows down, you point your body towards him, your arms staying perfectly pointed at him despite the powerful recoil of your virile firearm. You have just given him a third eye socket in between his two pre-existing ones. You’re a media darling, and that cute girl is no longer 3 rows down but at your side.
Now stop daydreaming. This kind of thing doesn’t happen in real life. Real life is a lot uglier. Allowing everyone and their mothers to carry loaded firearms on a college campus just so they have one ready in case their “Defender of Justice” fantasy comes true isn’t a good idea. You aren’t Batman. You’re a human with the same amount of judgment as anyone else. If you want to play the hero, there are several video games available for all three major consoles and the PC which will cater to this. Keep your guns at home, please.

  1. I remember reading this in an actual paper Exponent. Way to make the cut.

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