P. H. Cordner

Posts Tagged ‘theft’

True Grime Street Cleaning!

In Nonsense on May 27, 2009 at 18:06

The previous post, about me using cash only, basical.. er, long story short, said that using cash is cool because it’s a throwback and debit cards rob Greek shopkeeps. While this is one point, I think I have a better reason. Wads of cash are cool because criminals use cash.

Now we’re all aware of the old sawbones who tells you that “Crime doesn’t pay. It leads to lung cancer and terminal gunshot wounds to the spine.” Well that guy clearly doesn’t know about how criminals can steal stuff, then fence it, and then get fat stacks of cash. Why just the other day I “fenced” a textbook at the University Crook Store! I also have with me an audio record of the ‘Gangsta’ lifestyle, NWA’s Straight Outta Compton. If Eazy-E is to be believed, drug dealing is very lucrative! If only I knew where to get some ludes i’d be slangin’ them like no other, collecting bank rolls!

Just on the DL, two super cool dudes, let’s call the Shmauvon and Jron, went to a bar, let’s call it Frakes, and strolled down free rocksglass lane. That paid! Oh yeah. And we almost stole a sweet camera from a liquidating electronics store, but didn’t.

We here in America love our criminals. Scarface posters are standard issue in every Purdue Residence Hall. College kids want to pack heat to class, ostensibly to protect them from some outcast, but really, they want to rob people and steal, and form cool college gangs! Whoever’s got a popped collar gets popped! Wearing Crocs? Blammo! Talking at lenght about anything that isn’t sports? Chk-chk BOOYA! Let’s face it. Crime is cool.