P. H. Cordner

Posts Tagged ‘what a fucking asshole’

Secret notes!

In Nonsense on February 3, 2009 at 00:03

What’s that? Twenty five whole ting about me? Yes folks, it’s true. In a concerted effort to Deny Conformity (.com!), I will present this in a bulleted list.

  • I really don’t hate anybody, although my demeanor almost universally conveys contempt. I am always trying to work this out.
  • The only passive-aggressive roommate thing I do is to always replace the toilet paper roll in the feminine underhanded fashion, instead of the masculine overhand method. I have a hypothesis that this might irk Shauvon, but in all likelihood he’s never noticed.
  • I’ve watched the news, read the newspaper, or listened to news radio constantly from the age of 3 on.
  • At the age of 14, I pledged to become a member of WBEZ-FM, Chicago Public Radio once I had the means to. I later reversed this decision when Torey Malatia thought it was a good idea to axe jazz programming and siphon off funds to a failing experiment.
  • While I am deathly afraid of any girl to whom I am attracted to if I am uncertain of reciprocation, I am very comfortable approaching performers after their shows if I admire them enough. The most notable person I met this way was was Chicago Tribune columnist Eric Zorn.
  • The evolution of design interests me greatly, and postmodern recycling of old styles seems to have halted this. That irks me.
  • I read books. I like to have tons of books everywhere. If I’m not in the middle of a book, I’ll go to Von’s and get a new one, even though I have tons of books I haven’t even started yet.
  • I kind of disdain small town values, but I always try not to disdain the people that hold them.
  • My first underage drink was, not including furtive sips of Old Style when I was 4, a 1:1 Gin-vermouth ratio martini. I got the recipie from the March 2005 issue of Esquire, with Clive Owen on the cover. This is probably why I can now drink hard liquor neat with no problem.
  • Whenever I perform or write, I always assume my audience is smarter than I am.
  • Before I was accepted into the Crazy Monkeys, I would be friends with my lab partners for the semester, then we’d lose touch and I’d have two or three new friends for the next semester. That was the extent of my social life. [Thing from all the other Monkey’s 25 ting about how awesome their friends are] <- It’s all true. They’re the coolest people around and I’m glad I listened to Steven C. Beering.
  • I’d much rather live someplace old, tiny, with boatloads of character, before some big-ass new place.
  • I learned how to read spontaneously when I was 4 years old. I would read all the street signs and billboards as I looked out the window of the car. My favorite things to read were warning signs, because they had striking images often associated with them.
  • Money and I do not stay together for long. A lot of my taste is too expensive for my lab assistant’s wages. I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing.
  • I am not uncomfortable confronting Freudian realities and the pervasive sexuality of our culture. This makes me good at Sex is Like, and also makes everyone think I’m a big ol’ perv.
  • I do not hold Romantic views, i.e. I don’t think that sitting in a field watching the clouds will cure the ills of the world. To me, the city and nature are one in the same, the dense urban center being nature’s crowning achievement. I realize that’s a bit archaic if you think about it, very biblical, that Man in God’s image creates the apex of the universe, but I come to this conclusion with no delusion of a special animus in the human, and an education in genetics, molecular biology, and neurology.
  • You’ve heard this from your high school history teacher, but to study the past is to know the future. I have an insatiable appetite for dates, events, and meaning in history, and can (and do) spend hours clicking through Wikipedia.
  • For my inevitable progeny, I will do my utmost to see that they get a Great Books education. That’s something I want to do after I’m done here, before I either become a scientist or a writer, artist, cosmonaut, bricklayer, &tc.
  • The “famous” people I most want to meet are Charles Baxter and Chris Ware.
  • Except I’d rather meet President Barack Obama than anyone. I am in love with him for his exceptional character, firm moral compass, even head, cool demeanor, eye for detail, and his literate, eloquent oratory. I admire him for returning gravitas to the office of president, to a level not seen since Jack Kennedy. People seem to think anyone who cares deeply for this man is a dunderheaded slogan-follower, giving in to a demagogue and marching in step.
  • All the postmodern architechts put together wouldn’t match the talent in one of Mies Van Der Rohe’s arm hairs.
  • I’m kind of agnostic, but I like to go to church for the building, the hymns, the prayers, and the service, which has been done in the same basic outline since 700 A.D. Religion should not get thrown under the bus by scientific progress.
  • Whenever I encounter implicit racism among people I know, I return fire with a broadside of literal racism. I’m actually very passionate about racial politics, trying to end the continuing racism of the American people, and it always seems nobody around me cares about it as much as I do.
  • I wish more people would think it was a big deal that we have an authentic Louis Sullivan building right here in town. I love to run my fingers over the emerald terra cotta ornament every time they aren’t frozen to the touch.
  • As I said, I am comfortable with Freudian undertones, and I know what you’re thinking now.